Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
