Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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