Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
