You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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