There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
