my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
