I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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