I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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