Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
