I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
