I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
