dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
