I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
