Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
