i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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