I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
