she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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