dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Randomize
