I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
