I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
