youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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