Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
