You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
