the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
