After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Quick, to the slutcave!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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