Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
