Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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