Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
