Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
