On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
