well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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