That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize