no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
