her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
