How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
