we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
