Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
