I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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