he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
