make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
