Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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