some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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