We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
