A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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