So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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