I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
