He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
