The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
