It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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