Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
