So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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