look no pants
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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