we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm bleeding and have questions
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