Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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