i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
