your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
