my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
