Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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