just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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