"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
