I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So vagazzling was a success
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
