I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
