come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i wish my penis had a tongue
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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