Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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