I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
