so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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