Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
