so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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